CAMPAIGNS: Judge and Jury; The Waleses could teach the PR industry a lesson or two

Max Clifford looks at ways of making a PR impact of right royal proportions

Max Clifford looks at ways of making a PR impact of right royal


Princess Diana has triumphantly hugged her way round Argentina on a

perfectly timed ambassadorial tour at the climax to her highly

successful Panorama PR initiative.

Meanwhile, I have an idea for a new Royal PR school of deviance in the

Virgin Islands located on the picturesque island of Necker, owned by

Richard Branson. The school will be devoted to teaching the rights and

wrongs of Royal image making to aspiring PRs.

‘Strength by popularity’ tutors will include Branson himself, Clive

James, Richard Kay and a handful of other individuals whose advice and

counsel could possibly have played such an important part in the

successful creation of Diana the World’s Number One Superstar. Lessons

will include how to convey your thoughts and feelings with just a glance

or a look and winning the hearts and minds of the public by clearly

showing love and devotion for the sick, disabled and homeless.

The important skill of getting one’s views and messages out through

one’s friends will be clearly demonstrated. Professional guidance would

be given on how to make the most of TV opportunities including full

question and answer rehearsals prior to interviews.

Tutors from the second course, ‘How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot’ will

come from a highly privileged background where there has only been the

absolute minimum of contact with the public and media, both of whom are

held in contempt.

The creative genius behind this course could be Nicholas Soames, whose

legendary insight and judgement has already played such an important

part in helping Prince Charles achieve overwhelming support with the

public at large.

‘Butler’ Soames and his cronies’ advice and guidance would be vital for

example when undertaking major television interviews - gain instant

respect and devotion from your subjects by complaining about one’s

‘privileged upbringing’ and justify your failed marriage by revealing

how ‘Daddy forced me into it when I was 33’.

Guidelines on other ways to achieve an adoring public would include

talking to plants, hunting and shooting birds and animals and being a

tampon. Charity work is important so your own ‘Help the Aged’ scheme

called ‘Camilla’ would be a real vote winner.

Finally the third course - ‘Purity and Obscurity’ - will demonstrate the

pluses and minuses of creating successful royal images without being

economical with the truth [telling lies].

I doubt there would be any interest in this course but, just in case, I

have somebody in mind as chief lecturer - a man who nearly came to brief

prominence last year but whose name I can’t recall.

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