Do not touch the Donald. Do not taunt the Donald. When you approach the Donald, drop to a knee, kiss his yooge (read: huge) ring, and back away slowly.
You'd think a lowly New York Times reporter would know better than to challenge He Whose Hair's Name Shall Not Be Spoken. But the arrogant Timothy O'Brien foolishly dared to write a book challenging the veracity of the Donald's account of his own net worth, among other things. This has, regrettably, forced the Donald to do the only thing that could be done by a man in his aggrieved position: sue O'Brien for $5 billion.
We can only hope that token sum is enough to make the vile O'Brien realize the error of his ways. The Donald's statement noted that not only is O'Brien's book "irresponsible, malicious, and false," but also "terribly written." The Donald should know. After all, he, as the release noted, is "the author of five number-one bestselling books."
All of which can be summed up as: "Get rich the Donald way. Inherit it."
It seems Trump was most annoyed by O'Brien's assertion that his net worth is "between $150 million and $250 million," not the $2.7 billion the Donald claims. O'Brien may have felt he could outfox the Hairmaster, but he failed to do his math Donald-style: $5 billion won from O'Brien in a lawsuit, minus $2.3 billion owed to hair-gel companies, equals $2.7 billion in net worth.
Keep an eye on this courtroom drama. It's gonna be yooge.
3. On the right track