Oxygen TV entices tech advertisers

Anyone who's been in PR for more than five minutes knows that conducting a survey is a great way to give a sheen of respectability to your own worthless viewpoint. Does the general public really believe that your product gets breath fresher than your competitor's piece of crap product? Survey says: Yes!

Anyone who's been in PR for more than five minutes knows that conducting a survey is a great way to give a sheen of respectability to your own worthless viewpoint. Does the general public really believe that your product gets breath fresher than your competitor's piece of crap product? Survey says: Yes!

If you're an off-brand TV network hungry for revenue, a survey can be a persuasive tool to lure in ad dollars from those companies that are easily impressed. In the same way that donning a white lab coat can convince patients that a clueless med-school intern is capable of saving their lives, an official-sounding statistic like "59%" can persuade an ad buyer to break open the wallet.

With that in mind, the Oxygen Network brings you the breaking news that 59% of women agree that "women are much more tech-savvy than they give themselves credit for."

Without stopping to note the fundamentally nonsensical nature of that statement, we must also inform you that more than 75% of women would rather have a plasma TV than a diamond necklace. Romance is dead.

Wait - that isn't the point Oxygen was trying to get across. The network merely wants the public to know that "tech is the new bling" in this age of "Girls Gone Wired," and if that means that Sony and Samsung feel they must immediately write multimillion-dollar checks to the female-targeted Oxygen Network, well, Oxygen will not stop them.

After all, romance never bought a ratings point.

Ratings:

1. Clueless
2. Ill-advised
3. On the right track
4. Savvy
5. Ingenious

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