Lohan's plea to visit Iraq doesn't play

Lindsay Lohan has little need for professional perception- management counsel. She is perfectly capable of being perceived all by herself.

Lindsay Lohan has little need for professional perception- management counsel. She is perfectly capable of being perceived all by herself.

Perceived well? That's the type of detail that is far too minor to concern the co-star of Herbie: Fully Loaded.

Lohan made a canny appeal to patriotism last week when she told Elle that she's dying to go entertain troops in Iraq - and has pulled some pretty big strings in her quest.

"Hillary [Clinton] was trying to work it out, but it seemed too dangerous," Lohan explained.

In fairness to Hillary, who is responsible for keeping New York's economy healthy, any dangers befalling Lohan could seriously damage the sales of powder-based inhaled "candy" in the Manhattan area. Despite Lohan's promise (really) that she would prepare for an Iraq trip by taking shooting lessons, Hillary's office was apparently not willing to risk the spectacle of a sex scandal in Baghdad that would inevitably involve Lohan, an elite Marine squadron, and several camels.

It's a shame, really. All Lohan wants to be is the next Marilyn Monroe, and all that's stopping her is a lack of charisma and various mental deficiencies. But if she really wants to go to Iraq, the Army recruiting station will be happy to talk to her.

PR Play Rating

1. Clueless
2. Ill-advised
3. On the right track
4.Savvy
5. Ingenious

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