So it turns out that Ted Haggard, the famously anti-gay Denver reverend revealed to have had a gay affair with a gay prostitute, is not, in fact, gay. In other news, it turns out that members of the church may occasionally lie.
Haggard's magical revelation of straightness is just the latest example of the ability of an ill-defined "rehab" program to absolve a celebrity of all their sins.
Mel Gibson, post-rehab, is no longer an anti-Semite. Michael Richards is no longer racist. And Ted Haggard is no longer gay. Rehab is kind of like Jesus, but less demanding.
The Denver Post reported last week that after three weeks of "intensive counseling," a fellow reverend revealed that Haggard is "completely heterosexual," partly because all that gay sex "wasn't a constant thing."
It should be mentioned here that Haggard has referred to himself as a "deceiver." Just want to throw that out there.
The life of a mega-church pastor is one that must be fraught with stress. It's quite understandable that Haggard would turn to crystal meth and male escorts. Less understandable is the strategy to rehabilitate his image by pursuing the resolute denial of indisputable reality. We know that faith is the foundation of a reverend's power, so maybe this is an attempt to teach his followers not to believe their own lying eyes. But really - walking on water would pale in comparison to this sexual miracle.
We know you're concerned for your career, Ted. But remember: Gay people need pastors, too.
PR Play rating:
3. On the right track