Dear Delta Zeta sisters:
A sorority is a very special institution. Here at DePauw University, if you are not a sorority sister, you are going to be a very bored girl on weekends, considering the fact that we are located in the less-than-bustling city of Greencastle, IN.
So it is incumbent on all of you to do your part for the sorority. But some of us have not been "pulling our weight" - perhaps because that weight is too high for a normal girl to pull.
Ask yourself: Are you doing everything possible to recruit more sisters to Delta Zeta, by making us look like a fun, attractive, normal place? Are you fun? Are you attractive, or do you have a certain girth that may lead potential recruits to view us as an eating club rather than a party place? Are you normal, or does your skin possess a certain dusky tone that may scare off our more timid Midwestern freshmen?
We sincerely hope that none of you were offended by our recent membership purge. Just because we asked all of the minorities and overweight girls to leave does not mean we are not committed to diversity. Just because the story of our Stalin-like purge spread across the national news faster than that rash spread after our last keg party doesn't mean that we messed up.
We wish you losers would stop telling The New York Times we are elitist jerks. We are the pretty girls. Save the "communications skills" for Oprah, fatties!
Delta Zeta Central
PR Play Rating:
3. On the right track