LAST CALL: All sing: There she is ... Miss Melons?

Civic pride is one thing, but how many Southern belles would want

to spend a year being called Miss Hell Hole?

According to news reports, reigning Miss Hell Hole Carla Renee White

traveled an hour from her home and entered the pageant three years

running before winning the title. A student at Charleston, SC's First

Baptist School, White was crowned at the 30th Annual Hell Hole Swamp

Festival, named for a damp spot in Berkeley County.

That's just the beginning. Towns all across America this summer will

crown queens to promote melons, rhubarb, crustaceans and other obscure

agricultural products that drive local economies. The National Polled

Hereford Show organizes a series of state and national competitions

selecting teen beauties to plug that particular breed of hornless,

white-faced cattle.

In the spirit of self-promotion, a PR king or queen could be the

industry's goodwill ambassador. We advise against the title "Miss

Information," however.

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