THE BOOK OF LISTS: The 10 Best radio ads

1. McDonald's "toiletries"

Hilarious and effective spot featuring Jack Charlton reading out a list

of flash sounding men's cosmetics before urging "real men" to get down

to McDonald's for breakfast. The beauty of this ad lies in the casting

and in Charlton's great delivery - you can hear him giggle in amazement

at some of the products he is listing. A clear winner of the gold award

at this year's Aerials.

Agency: Leo Burnett

Creative team: Jim Bucktin and David Bell

Producer: Adam Furman

Sound: Tony Rappacioli

2. Monster.co.uk 'blank'

The best execution in a great campaign, this ad casts the listener as a

young member of staff cowering in a supermarket as the company chairman

approaches. Rather than talk to the boss you blank him and do a runner.

The ad ends with the great line: "Monday, he'll be all over you. Like a

monkey." A brilliant continuation of the "Beware the voices" theme.

Agency: Saatchi & Saatchi

Creative team: Nik Studzinski and Gavin Kellett

Producers: Mark Hanrahan at Saatchi & Saatchi and Nicola Warman-Johnston

at Shell Like

Sound: Ian Hargest

THE SCRIPT

SFX: Supermarket noises

We hear the voice inside someone's head.

Voice: Have you seen who's by the frozen peas?

It's the chairman.

But you're not at work now, so what are you going to do?

You want him to be your friend, don't you?

OK,. so ignore him.

Because the more you ignore him, the more he'll want to be your friend.

Excellent! He's seen you.

Now blank him.

Boss: Hello David, how are you?

The voice cuts him off mid-sentence.

Voice: Keep walking.

Boss: David?

Voice: Ignore him!

Boss: David?!

Voice: Oh yes! Monday, he'll be all over you. Like a monkey.

FVO: Beware of the voices. For career advice worth listening to and

thousands of jobs, visit monster.co.uk. The world's leading career

network.

3. Nike '10K April version'

Loud Northerners talking about cod and chips aren't usually that

attractive but this ad gets under the skin. The Nike work comes alive on

radio and the credit has to go to the creative team for pushing the idea

to its limits rather than taking the easy option. Great casting too, but

why would a Northern guy even know where Primrose Hill is?

Agency: Wieden & Kennedy

Creative team: Andy Smart and Roger Beckett

Producer: Rob Steiner

Sound: Rob Townsend and David Chiltern

THE SCRIPT

MVO: April is lazy.

April says running is too hard.

April says your car is our best friend.

April says slippers are better than running shoes.

April stands on the right, sits in the pub, lies on the sofa.

April says loosen your belt.

April says go on, get a minicab home.

April says Primrose Hill should have escalators.

April says cod and chips twice.

April says cod and chips twice.

April says walk don't run.

April hurts.

Defy April.

Train for July 22nd, Nike 10K. call 080800 10000 for information, Run

London.

4. Tango 'conference'

Humorous ad but fits the Tango brand perfectly. A boring conference is

livened up by one of the blokes in the audience asking the speaker a

rude question about his mother during the questions and answers bit. A

witty and well produced extension to the "Feed the Tango inside"

campaign.

Agency: HHCL & Partners

Creative team: Tom Geens and Simon Welsh

Producer: Denise Robinson

Sound: Munzie Thind

THE SCRIPT

Speaker: Mergers are an ever-growing part of economic and social life.

Indeed, the reverse merger is ...

We hear two young guys from the audience whispering in the foreground.

Ron: Do you still want that can of Orange Tango?

Bernhard: No, go for it.

Ron: Cheers.

The can is opened: Clunk ... Psssssst.

We hear the tango glugging down Ron's throat. It awakes the Tango Inside

from his slumber.

Tango inside: This conference is losing momentum.

Surely, to everybody's advantage, a small dose of laughter is needed.

Ask the speaker a personal question.

Speaker: Any more questions?

Ron: Hi yes, is your mother a minger?

A stunned silence.

Speaker: Uhmm. Excuse me?

Ron: Is your mother a minger?

Nobody laughs. Ron, embarrassed, coughs and sits down.

Ron: Never mind.

VO: Feed the Tango Inside.

5. FHM Bionic 'female'

An ad that shows a great understanding of the mindset of the lads' mag

market. This spot features a woman speaking in a spoof seductive voice

and praising a man's plump belly and fondness for pies. The bubble is

pricked with a great voiceover saying: "This will never happen." The ad

then urges men to buy FHM Bionic to improve their chances of

scoring.

Agency: NMI

Creative: Nathan Church

Producer: Dominic Stevenson

Sound: Ian Pickford

THE SCRIPT

We hear the sound of a mellow bar atmosphere, perhaps a little light

piano music, the chink of glasses and soft conversation ...

Sexy female voice: Hi gorgeous! You're looking pretty shabby, I love a

man with a nice plump belly. Ooooh! You really don't take any care of

yourself? ... I bet you're a washout between the sheets ...

Hmmmmmm! That body's not seen a gym in its life ... have another pie and

then let's go back to mine ...

Authoritive VO: Attention. This will never happen. Being unhealthy and

out of shape is not appealing to women. To improve your body and mind,

you need FHM Bionic, the new monthly magazine for active men. FHM

Bionic, on sale now.

Female: Ooooh!

6. COI/DOH Teenage Pregnancy Awareness 'odd one out'

A clever spot that promotes the Government's Sexwise information line.

Instead of using a moralising tone it urges teenage boys to call to find

out more information about sex rather than plunging in because all their

mates are doing it. The use of the alarm sound and shout of "virgin"

really grabs your attention.

Agency: Delaney Lund Knox Warren

Creative team: Jon Elsom and Ken Sara

Producer: Debbie Dillon

Sound: Tom Livsey

THE SCRIPT

FV: (Schoolteacher, adult) John?

Boy1: Yes, miss.

FV: Scott?

Boy2: Here, miss.

FV: Lee?

Boy3: Yes, miss.

FV: Daniel?

SFX: A loud, repeating klaxon blares out and a machine-like voice

announces: VIRGIN! VIRGIN! VIRGIN!

Machine-like voice: VIRGIN! VIRGIN ...

MVO: If you haven't had sex yet, and you're worried about your mates

finding out, there's something you should know.

Most guys don't have sex until they're around 16. And some wait a lot

longer.

So no matter what your mates might claim, the odds are, you're not the

odd one out.

SFX: The klaxon stops in mid-blare and falters to a halt.

MVO: If you're under 18 and want to know the real facts of life, or get

free, confidential advice on sex and contraception, call Sexwise on 0800

28 29 30, or visit us at areyouthinking.co.uk.

Sex. Are you thinking about it enough?

7. Marie Claire 'song'

Funny and loud, this ad was a smart way of raising awareness of a Marie

Claire feature that looked at why four perfectly sane and attractive

women spend so much time worrying about getting the perfect man.

Features a woman phoning up a guy at work and singing a cringe-worthy

tune in a bid to woo him.

Agency: Leith London

Creative team: Guy Manwaring and Tim Collins

Producer: Natalie Brown

Sound: Warren Hamilton

THE SCRIPT

Claire (on phone): Hi ... Steve? I'm Claire, from accounts. We've not

met but ...

(Claire gets out a portable Bontempi organ and starts singing really

badly.)

Since I saw you in reception, I've stopped using contraception.

Come back to mine, I beg you Steve.

I'm so desperate to conceive.

(Instrumental break under and throughout VO.)

FVO: Still single? Ever wondered why? In this month's Marie Claire, we

meet four seemingly attractive, intelligent women and find out why they

just can't get a man.

Marie Claire. Writing that gets you talking.

Claire (Singing loudly): I want your babies ...

SFX: Dead phone line.

Claire: Hello Steve?

8. Gordon's Gin 'DJ'

Casting mountaineer Chris Bonnington as a DJ is an inspired way of

making the simple point that "you can only be truly great at one thing".

Gordon's continues its heritage of positioning itself as the gin of

choice. Bonnington saying: "Big up to the Nepal massive" in his posh

voice is a truly funny radio experience.

Agency: Bartle Bogle Hegarty

Creative team: Andy Smart and Roger Beckett

Producer: Amy Sugden

Sound: Johnny Burn

THE SCRIPT

SFX: Full-on dance music under Chris Bonnington's VO throughout.

Chris Bonnington (to be spoken in normal, everyday voice): DJ Chris

Bonnington is in the house.

I'm going to take you higher than Everest.

Going large.

Easy now.

Big up to the Nepal massive.

Here me now.

DJ Chris Bonnington is checking out.

Laters, I is out of here.

Bo.

Signing off.

VO: You can only be truly great at one thing. Gordon's London Gin

9. Heineken 'her vows'

Pokes fun at the traditional wedding vows with a witty look at what

marriage might involve in reality. The woman vows to "go off sex" and

take a dislike to her husband's mother. The vicar's voice is a treat in

itself, a Fast Show character waiting to be discovered.

Agency: Lowe Lintas

Creative team: Sarah Naughton and Alistair Ross

Producer: Sandie Bennett

Sound: Simon Capes

THE SCRIPT

MV1: ... And do you, Samantha, solemnly swear to go off sex within six

months, to take an irrational dislike to his mother, to throw away his

collection of mountain bike magazines, to cut your hair and put on

fourteen pounds?

FV1: I do.

VO: How refreshing. How Heineken.

10. Orange 'answer fax'

Immaculately produced, this ad won the Aerial Awards Craft category for

best sound design. A really simple but effective way of building

awareness of Orange's Answer Fax service.

Agency: WCRS

Creative team: Vince Chasteauneuf and Paul Kemp

Producer: Bart Yates

Sound: Peter Johnston and Rob Hughes

THE SCRIPT

SFX: Fax noises

SFX: The chirping of fax machine turns to bird song

SFX: Bird song

Paul Vaughan: With Orange Answer Fax, you can be confident of receiving

the very latest information even when you're out of the office.

Faxes can be sent directly to your Orange phone and stored, ready to be

printed off at any fax machine when and where it suits you.

Phone 0800 079 3000 and make any space your office space, with Orange.

Orange Answer Fax is available to all Talkplan and Everyday 50

customers.

This article was first published on Campaign