Countrywide supremo Peter Hehir had a lucky escape recently while acting
in the line of duty, I am told.
On a routine visit to a client, Hehir found the office in full crisis
management flow for a product recall. Meanwhile, in an entirely
unrelated incident, the building was also being picketed by a bunch of
nuts, dressed as, well, nuts.
With commendable enthusiasm, and an eye for a heroic gesture, Hehir
decided to lend a hand by talking to the demonstrators himself. Asking
to speak to the senior nut - the kernel-in-chief as it were - he was
told that it was a collective group and there was no leader.
Nevertheless one particularly vociferous nut, who identified himself as
‘Mark’ (Almond, presumably), proceeded to give Hehir a red-faced rant
about his client’s evil ways.
Hehir kept his cool and invited his interlocutor the chance to come
inside and talk about it over a cup of tea, but the enthusiastic nut
impersonator declined - perhaps fearing he might be assaulted (that’s
enough bad puns, Ed).
Seeing he was getting nowhere Hehir turned on his heel to go, only to
find the gap in the throng instantly close. The inevitable mild shoulder
contact prompted a histrionic response in the manner of a professional
footballer brought down in the penalty box, complete with yells of
‘Violence, violence!’ reminiscent of Monty Python.
Fearing the ignominy of being duffed up by someone dressed as as nut in
front of his client, Hehir beat a hasty retreat. And with no riot
forthcoming, the nuts simply dispersed after a while.
Among the many morals of this tale is the old chestnut that you don’t
need a sledgehammer to crack a nut, and that if you picket it will never
get better (you’re sacked, Ed).