DIARY: Yes, it is definitely worth investing more money in education, Mr Major

You get some very funny people in public relations but, it must be said, nothing like as funny as those who are repelled from boarding.

You get some very funny people in public relations but, it must be said,

nothing like as funny as those who are repelled from boarding.



As evidence of this, Chris Lewis, MD of hi-tech agency Lewis

Communications, has a quite priceless collection of graduate trainee

applications which prove that the English eccentric is alive and well

and wants to work in PR. Gems from recent letters include:



* ‘Dear Chris, my best mate told me the other day to come back off

holiday and get this job...’ [Letter written on Renaissance Hotel,

Jamaica Grande Resort note-paper]



* ‘Having chatted about your advertisement with my careers officer in

bed the other day...’



* ‘My downfall was caused by the inadvertent consumption of a large

quantity of the drug popularly known as acid.’ [Applicant’s letter

accompanied by a university exam answer sheet covered only with a

photograph of multi-coloured sheep and the words ‘Yip Yip peep FNANG...I

can penguin orange Gibraltar over the rainbow’].



* ‘I was interested in your opening...Could you send me further

information about the position?’



* ‘I was stacking chickens... talking to myself in German...I can talk

French and German to people who will reply with more eloquence and

intelligence than long dead poultry.’



* ‘The opportunity to discuss degree level is an interesting and welcome

one indeed. You have specified a 2:1. I, however, possess a 2:2’

[reasons given for result including ‘...a mathematics course of

documented unnecessary complexity and irrelevance.’]



Lewis says that, if such cracking applications weren’t quite so funny,

he would find it all rather tragic, adding with rueful irony: ‘I would

like to say to people coming into the industry that when it comes to

spelling mistakes and murdering the English language, we are quite

capable of doing it on our own.’



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