Max Clifford looks at ways of making a PR impact of right royal
Princess Diana has triumphantly hugged her way round Argentina on a
perfectly timed ambassadorial tour at the climax to her highly
successful Panorama PR initiative.
Meanwhile, I have an idea for a new Royal PR school of deviance in the
Virgin Islands located on the picturesque island of Necker, owned by
Richard Branson. The school will be devoted to teaching the rights and
wrongs of Royal image making to aspiring PRs.
‘Strength by popularity’ tutors will include Branson himself, Clive
James, Richard Kay and a handful of other individuals whose advice and
counsel could possibly have played such an important part in the
successful creation of Diana the World’s Number One Superstar. Lessons
will include how to convey your thoughts and feelings with just a glance
or a look and winning the hearts and minds of the public by clearly
showing love and devotion for the sick, disabled and homeless.
The important skill of getting one’s views and messages out through
one’s friends will be clearly demonstrated. Professional guidance would
be given on how to make the most of TV opportunities including full
question and answer rehearsals prior to interviews.
Tutors from the second course, ‘How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot’ will
come from a highly privileged background where there has only been the
absolute minimum of contact with the public and media, both of whom are
held in contempt.
The creative genius behind this course could be Nicholas Soames, whose
legendary insight and judgement has already played such an important
part in helping Prince Charles achieve overwhelming support with the
public at large.
‘Butler’ Soames and his cronies’ advice and guidance would be vital for
example when undertaking major television interviews - gain instant
respect and devotion from your subjects by complaining about one’s
‘privileged upbringing’ and justify your failed marriage by revealing
how ‘Daddy forced me into it when I was 33’.
Guidelines on other ways to achieve an adoring public would include
talking to plants, hunting and shooting birds and animals and being a
tampon. Charity work is important so your own ‘Help the Aged’ scheme
called ‘Camilla’ would be a real vote winner.
Finally the third course - ‘Purity and Obscurity’ - will demonstrate the
pluses and minuses of creating successful royal images without being
economical with the truth [telling lies].
I doubt there would be any interest in this course but, just in case, I
have somebody in mind as chief lecturer - a man who nearly came to brief
prominence last year but whose name I can’t recall.