Virgin network for religious calling

Thanks to moles at the Michael Bland Communications Consultancy, PRWeek has come into possession of a pitch document from a Mr A Gabriel.

Here it is, in full:

'We are urgently looking for a public relations agency to assist with a major launch on 25 December.

'Budget for launch events is small. Although we were initially looking for as many as 5,000 people to attend a lakeside spectacular, we now estimate the catering budget would only cover five loaves and five small fishes.

'A planned parting of the Red Sea has been cancelled after a check through PRWeek back issues showed it had already been done.

'We would encourage the use of credible third parties to spread the message and would like to see coverage in major trade publications (including leading industry title The Bible). Provisionally, we have secured the use of three wise men to target ABC1s and shepherds for the C2s downwards.

'Presentations will take place in our boardroom - please notify if you have any special requirements, such as seraphs, pillars of fire, or showers of frogs.

'Your accessibility to opinion formers, such as Sadducees, Pharisees or King Herod would be an asset. We are particularly interested in an agency with a good network of virgins in the area.

'We look forward to hearing from you.

'A Gabriel, director of corporate affairs.'

Apparently, Gabriel's firm is not without its industry rivals; word has it Max Clifford is working for the other side.

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