As 'Tarzan' owns PRWeek, the offer of a one-to-one was politely declined. Nevertheless, Diary gamely took itself down to Claridges to hear the great man speak and feast like Henry VIII after a week-long fast.
Hezza was introduced by the networking group's president and Fuel PR boss Gilly Waddell, who thanked him for his fine speech by presenting him with a climbing rose plant called, wonderfully, 'Paul's Scarlet'.
Waddell politely fibbed that the thorny beast cost £14.99 from Homebase. Diary imagines the triffid-like plant, tailor-made for Heseltine's sprawling arboretum, cost a little more, as it towered over her like a leafy emerald skyscraper.
Interestingly, buoyed by his gift, the 74-year-old, who has dealt with many a PRO in his time, had the following advice to give: 'Tell the truth. You don't have a ghost of a chance if you get a reputation for dishonesty.'
Max Clifford may disagree with you there, boss...