THE PUBLICIST: Recall reminds everyone how turbulent Hollywood PR can be

Gotta make this quick and get back to my California gubernatorial campaign. I've decided to throw my hat into the ring with Gary Coleman's elevator shoes, Arnold's bodybuilder briefs, and Angelyne's brassiere. Sure, I'm an underdog, but I figure it's a great way to meet girls. I'm gonna spin this baby like a top!

Gotta make this quick and get back to my California gubernatorial campaign. I've decided to throw my hat into the ring with Gary Coleman's elevator shoes, Arnold's bodybuilder briefs, and Angelyne's brassiere. Sure, I'm an underdog, but I figure it's a great way to meet girls. I'm gonna spin this baby like a top!

Politics is all about PR anyway, so why not? I'll be all things to all people. Just get in line - and have your pesos ready. I'm not doing this for my health, after all. Football season is near, and I've got some serious over/under challenges with a guy named "Bruno" in Vegas. (I'm sure this will all come out in the campaign). I don't sweat "Arnie-anna" - the one-two celebrity punch of Arnold and Arianna Huffington. Nor the 156 other candidates. I'm just glad Ben and J. Lo didn't run. Had Gigli been a hit, they may have. The "it" couple was riding a publicity juggernaut like we haven't seen since, well, Princess Di and that royal dude she married. "Bennifer" dominated the entertainment press for months. But proving that the media is out of touch with most Americans, or - a more troubling suggestion - that publicity does not really affect the bottom line, Gigli sank at the box-office faster than Gray Davis' political stock. "You can force the J. Lo publicity potion down our mouths, but you can't make us swallow it," the public responded. So just how far has the Gigli debacle caused Ben and J. Lo's fortunes to fall? Enough that they now rank second, behind Demi and Ashton, in Hollywood's celebrity-couple sweepstakes. Sure, they can withstand "for better or worse," but lousy grosses? That's a whole 'nother kettle of fish, padre. Better strike that from the vows. The higher the publicity magic carpet lifts people like Ashton, J. Lo, and Arnie, the farther they're likely to fall. It's inevitable. The machine will make you, the machine will break you. Which is why I think Arnold is in for some unpleasant PR the next two months. Knives are being sharpened, dinner is served. The Terminator's questionable past is about to be dragged, kicking and flexing, out of the character closet. No skeletons in my closet. I don't even have a closet! (Marina beach pads are so small.) Besides, when I'm elected, I'll immediately hand the reigns of my administration to Hill & Knowlton and PMK/HBH. Entertainment Tonight gets the inaugural exclusive. Michael and Catherine Zeta will arrange the sale of all photos.
  • Lawrence Mitchell Garrison is an LA-based freelance publicist and writer

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