Once more unto the house, dear friends, once more.
As celebrities entered the Big Brother abode to the time-honoured cheers of "Who?" and "Nope. No idea," there was little suspicion that so-called comedian and self-confessed wife beater Jim Davidson, expelled from another reality TV show, 'Hell’s Kitchen', in 2007 for making homophobic remarks, would emerge three-and-a-half weeks later declared the winner, and awarded the coveted bauble of an indifferent hug from host Emma Willis.
It could, indeed should, have been so different.
Vapid moose knuckle Lee Ryan might have been in with a chance, given that accepted wisdom is that young females are the voters in reality TV competitions. His chances were ruined, however, by mixing it up with a gap-toothed, gullible 'Page 3 Stunna', and an American whose claim to fame appeared to be that she’d slept with some married C-listers.
Someone from TOWIE was capable only of saying "amazin". Even sometime rapper Dappy’s reputedly giant schlong couldn’t vault him to the front.
Jim played a good game, helped in his endeavours by sour-faced shrew Linda Nolan who clearly knew a great deal more about Jim than she, or perhaps her lawyer, was willing to share with us.
What a remarkable turnaround; bound to result in a resurgence of his career, eh? He’ll be raking in the money, with media folk queuing up to get him to front campaigns and ads.
My guess is Jim’s dodgy background will make this unlikely to happen.
The largest section of his Wikipedia entry is entitled 'Controversies'. It’s a matter of record that he admits violent and abusive behaviour towards his wife. He is widely panned as foul-mouthed, racist and sexist.
Yet he won.
Which brand will be brave enough to ask the inexplicably purple-faced comic to be their spokesman? Some brands thrive on controversies but it may be that such a toxic name is one controversy too far.
He declared his intention was to change perceptions of himself, and that "truth will conquer all". But not even Marmite, the brand that famously plays on its love it/hate it reputation, is likely to sign him up.
There’s an appropriate phrase here, and it’s something about polishing. Sometimes, a brand is what it is. And PR people can’t do anything about it.
Gill Alexander is senior account director at Lucre